today is Sunday, but i'm moody

not really got the mood to write blog today, so just share some of the beautiful picx which I like to snap that was the beach and the natural creation.

start missing you again

yesterday, I didn't slept well. tears until slept. I do not know why, just got a sad feeling and start missing you. I tend to forget, but if you tend to forget someone, the more you will miss them.agree?start my new semester, and my heart bump like hell when I saw you.so close, but without a word, can you feel my heart?
is fun across the sea go to butterworth fetch Veen Dee back to alor setar. the sky and the sea always listen to my heart, the breeze bring me to the deeper thought and feeling better.
now, i'm sitting in front of my Pc my hands holding a bowl of Oat, the food is totally tasteless which Wei Jin call the food for Old people. I also hate that, but i'm dieting now.

confused and high school trip

woke up in the morning today, kind of lazy and sluggish because I didn't slept well last night.
HOWEVER,Today kind of happy, because have a reason. Wahkaka...is a secret. really brighten my days, and make me happy the whole day. wow, unbelievable right, either I do not believe that.
go to Disted to pick up my buddies, dear PHEY and SHU LING. miss them for a week already.
Go back to high school, different feeling and different position.
sometimes, I do realize that I am different. Maybe this is call growth.haiz. really recall my previous time, on the field, in the classroom, at the canteen.sob sob. tears..that is the placed since I was toddler I went to nursery then kindergarden then primary sch then high school. I won't forget this place which shape me and nurture me. although there are many things happen there like band or conflict between me and teachers or with friends. But these was the memory that unforgotable.
there was life right? so look forward and give thanks and appreciate that what I had Before.
erm.. and I really like beautiful scene and view like sky and beach anything about the natural.
I like to see and captured the


the scene in the afternoon.m.



phey and me


this is the real snap, they came to gurney Food Loft Today..
wow. so excited but I didn't snap a photo with them.

BE CONTENTED

hello.. I am a blessed girl. however I always blaming and grumbling about my own situation.
This week I have to practice myself to be contented and give thanks to every circumstances around me, rather in hard time or the situation that very hard to cope. I feel miserable sometimes I really feel bad about myself and according to christian's psychology SELF-ESTEEM will ruin a person, I have to stop to think and be contented, because I know where is my strength from.
I am here in this world not a coincidence is GRACE so i'm here, in this world just one ESTHER TEE, so you and I are unique, special. STOP BLAMING MY FAMILY OR MY PAST. have a contented and blessed heart each day, and I am trying to figure out who am I. STOP BEING SELF-CENTERED ..
I really miss my sister, she studying in AUS, now i am just hoping I'll try to left the home and change another environment. not because I hate my home, I just need to explore and really see the world, unprotected by parents .This is my plan, because you know I can cope with a new environment and I love it as well. maybe after 1 year or 2 years i will left to experience my own life to live my own life without being feed by parents or help by others. I need to try how far can I go, just depends the CREATOR and the COUNSELOR and the wisdom that given.
i have to ask, and He got HIS own plan before I was Born. So, no worries .He definitely will make me a way, like HE always did. of course I have to prepare the yield and wait for the rain.

''LET THE WEAK SAYS I"M STRONG'' let the '' POOR say I"M RICH(heart fulfillment)''

Tired really exhausted

this scene is real, not copy and paste...
elder and pastor praying



this is real shot ..


you all should try to go to beach and see the sunrise, I did! it was AWESOME and AMAZED. wow I will post up my pic lately. WOW ! is really wonderful, see the, we went there this really early morning 6:30am, and because it is a village, have boat's, raft wow. I love IT ! but th e beach is quite dirty and polluted. I love the scene, I enjoy the natural scene, it really.. indescribable ..



last couple of days, woke up at 5:00am for the morning prayer meeting. although, I have to woke up in the early morning, made me really tired. But I knew drawing nearer is the most important so by sacrificed some of my sweet sweet bedtime. Now I am sitting here, my heart really tired and my eyes are going to shut. But something really makes me worried, My dearest friend. I can't be with her now, I feel bad, but my mind is going to stop functioning.
Tomorrow, I will be energetic and have to plan my weekly resolutions. I will start my new semester having 4 sub and 1 lan sub the schedule is really pact and not really have my own sweet time like the last semester.
I must have some quiet time tomorrow morning and rearrange my mind and thought and reset my goals. Because my life now kind of mess up and I do not time really rest well.

and now is 8:01 pm i'm going to bed, night! I need to rest!

Yipee ..

I PUT ON WEIGHT ... ARGH

haiz, maybe PMS is comming soon, so I GAIN weight, Fish

other reason why i gaining weight:
I lazy to work out in the gym
I ate a lot, 9/10 full
crave a lot of fattening food

and you know what, before gaining weight, I am already FAT. argh !! kill me everyone
and somebody is too skinny need to gain weight, and somebody they need to lost weight.
and i feel too sluggish to move and exercise. haih
haiyo, human never ' zhi zu'' satisfies with their appearance
one of my friend, joy she is very very skinny and she said she was fat need to keep fit.
Haks, if she is fat, I am just HUGE !!

then, what to do nowadays I the hunger feeling come easily, because of PMS, why guy don't have PMS. girls are suffering.

A sudden and A phone call

stayed in dee's house yesterday night chat and crap with my friends until 5am this morning, and crap! I didn;t slept at all the whole night. I got a sad news, and that ruin me and Dee's mind, my friend JOEL, is not going to continue for the 2nd Semester because he needs to go to Aus, is too haih, I stunned.I can't help dee or Joel. because is unpredictable and out of our control. Cheer, be optimistic toward the problem and look forward.
i'm so worried, really, and she don't feel like eating, and she seems so lost, I wish I could help.
as a friend just stay beside and stare without action, I'll hope I always by my friend side during their hard time, when they need a pair of hand or ears, at least they are not the only one in this world, they are not lonely/ although I can't help or everything seems to be out of control but at least they have to know, love is everywhere,even a smile from a stranger, it melts my heart,
make me warm.
after get back home, really exhausted, I need to SLEEP, my mind ain't working.
having my nice dream, Sudden, a call and a cried sound from Junia:'' ESTHER, my car gone, stolen by someone", ''where are you right now, I will pick you up, just calm down first.''
wow, this really a shocked news, I quickly changed and speed up my car.
now, everything settled down, thank God.
stop my posting and I have to sleep right now, tomorrow have to wake ot 5:30am

A new week resolution. Hab Hab.

yesterday I was busying to set this week resolutions.
a lot and determine to have a more organize and planned week.

you know what, life is full of surprises, that you never know and unpredictable
like Today, I have a nice plan what to do and Finally I got to give a hand in my mum's shop.
Erm, actually not bad, but I felt miserable because I do not know what the customer's needs and the prices for each product. haih, although the feeling is really not nice at all, but I knew I have to help my mother and I knew my mum work really really hard for a dolar.I broke my promise today, I planned to accompany Dee the whole day, but because of the sudden arrangement I have held back my plan.

tired

nothing special, so lazy to go for badminton today, haih. because I am actually not good at playing ball games. but is long time didn't meet them already so I just change and go.
ah ha! you guess I have win, of course I won because the guy is good they always help me so I no need to play that hard. Thx and I got a free 100 plus as reward because we(me and ERIC ) won the PK. yipee.
haiz, so damn tired tonight I lost my energy after the badminton practice.I have to attend a friend birthday party.
my mind is scramble today, I do not know why.and I noticed something, is true that someone that you trusted actually not really honest with you. I am not going to mentioned the name, because Me myself do not want to really want to re call back

normal .

Today woke up at 9:00am, again I have agree to teach the freshman however I break my promise again, Oops,Sorry about that Mong Hui I knew yesterday you weren’t angry just talk softly and ask my why. But sorry I don’t know what am doing and what I supposed to do.

Afternoon drive to NENE’s house meet dear Phey and Ling, hub hub so glad to meet them.

Wow and Ling drive her Avanza I guess, you are great man, the car is so big and gigantic and you never hit before. Yipee.. awesome gathering and crapping and I promised that I’ll meet them every Thursday, and you know what the funniest conversation today is Phey have to find a boy friend to kill her time and she said I have to find one to kill my time. Please, ha ha it I won’t really care to have boyfriend a not as long as I enjoy single and I am free.

Watched spider wick today and kind of disappointed because my friend and I plan to watch AH LONG.haih, GP full of sec and high school student aiyoyoyo. Headache I really don’t like to see many people I don’t feel like hanging around the mall. Fish, AIKS .. next week I am still having my holidays and the LALALA and BENG will not exist in the mall anymore.

And drink liquid drink at ****, after I had try some sip, I start feeling to sleep and a bit blur and I have to drive.Kind of suffering, my head a bit dizzy and I just sleepy. Ha ha, and I think Dee was drunk already because I keep pass the drink for her, and she start to freak out and say something that was very weird.

I noticed that these few days I hang out until late at night is really bad that I go back late.

SPM result

Today wake up, ARGH .. is my spm results day. but actually iy doesn't bother me at all.hehx
why? because i have already prepare my heart for my result. and plan to teach band freshman but hehe I cannot woke up. until 10 something, my mum call " hey, you still at home? what time are you going to get your result." I replied " cheer mum, it does not really bother me, cheer I'll go late after 11:00am" then I rang sui yen and shu ling on the way to school. Erm, they are not that satisfied with their result. CHEer both of u.when I reached school. DAMN I didn't wear graduate T-shirt I cannot get in. see Yin Syn faster please her to give me her shirt and she wait in the toilet.hehe sorry ya.
Then I go in, sign my name and take my file, see my result. no feeling at all. because I expected.
2 A's. in my conscious i just know is passed and I am not in high school anymore and i start my college life. I couldn't change anything right.and I deserved it. I didn't study for the passed. even juliana and Joshua and Lily they all sms me.haha thx for your concern.and I get the result that you all may not wish to your expectation. Ish.. but of course I have a bit regret but not put me into tears of course, I knew that I didn't do well in my SPM and I have to learn from the pass not remember it. right ..
at night having a party in dee's house, her housemate's birthday(Pei wen), is so awkward, because I do not know any of them then they invited my. I just go, help Joe and Dee cook Mash Potatoes. while eating my dinner, receive a call from my betties, SIN YEE, a emergency call and she sound sad. I can't tell you all about what happen. actually I have choir practice tonight, but I really worried her, then speed up my car and drive to her place. sometimes, I really felt sorry with her you know, she is one of mu betties but I didn't give any concern after graduate, SORRY
I have to by your side everything you need me. although I cannot change any situation, but at least she is not alone. I'm really worried, I know what prob I have, you know what, I realized that I didn't give any concern and care to my friends, haiz I feel bad. Sorry to all my friends, I try to change because I really not intention to do that to you all. Just maybe I'm not passive enough. Now Lee Min is on my mind, I didn't contact with her long time ago. how bad I'm right. she is my close friend but ..:(. I try to do hard to be a good friend and a person that my friend need me. but i am failure. haiz ..

okay, stop my crap. and here is some words for my friend who just got their result.
" we cannot change the past but built a legend, create your own history in your future. Pass is passed you cannot do anything you have two choices either you smile and learn from the passed or let the passed become your regret and you feel sorry and sad do not want to face it. You have end the war between your high school academic and your high school life.SO cheer, everyone of us start a new life. do not let the passed burden bothering you. about parents, every parents they LOVE because of LOVE they concern our result because is our own future they want us to have a good future, so if the result piss them off, is alright, is just a moment because you and me are their BELOVED child right? tell them you will work hard and how you going to handle your own future, ok, if some of you really do not like to studies, I belief you all have A GIFT, everyone of us have A GIFT , not only to become a doctor or a lawyer or what professional, but maybe you are a good at athletic and you can become next NICOLE DAVID right? and you have music talent you can become next JAY CHOU or JUstin TIMBERLAKE . everyone of us have a special give, just think and look. What you really good at, somebody can discover it somebody cannot discover their own gift the wholelife and doing the job or thing they didn't like at all, SO CHEER ROAD is you the one to DISCOVER IT , you ARE A pioneer of your life, just what attitude and how you face it."
haih, finish my lecture, take it or left it .. just the words I want to tell my friends that I couldn't meet them or I met adn you have some problems bothering you.
CHEER !! happiness is in our hand just how you face and your view...
HAVE A Nice DAy ..

QueensBAy

HAd my lunch in Little Cottage with Dee and Joel, yeah, meet them again, because they went back to Alor Setar last weekends and miss them. hehe.

Today hang out to QB and watch 10000 BC, this movie was meaningful, not only love story but this is about a story about a guy he is very fear to face the giant he has no faith at all but finally he become a brave man and lead a whole group of people. this give me a lesson, you do not know your dark side and your own inner power. and you definitely cannot see your future before you go through it. So, the main actor is a heroes and He go through every step with courage and brave he will see the every step he counts is a way to victory.

Today go shopping yeah, but I don't understand today is weekday but QB is crowded. HaIz, I don't like to go out and see a lot of people out there. SIEN ! ruin my mood. HAih. but is ok I still buy a few cheap stuff. I bought a red jacket(RM 25) and 2 sleeveless shirt(RM 18) . cheap right.
we stay in FOS for 2 hours i guess, trying some shirt because is Buy 1 free 1. Aduh! worth!

a trip to BM and my lost day

I don't like the holiday that I spending now. although I have enough time to spend but it was meaningless, and just trying to waste my time, stayed in front of a screen. and hang on the net without a purpose,haiz. I should consider my priority of life do something worthy and can live my life everyday with meaningful.I really should consider and think about what I really want my life to be. if I continue my daily life like these, I will become more and more lazy and not really satisfies with my life like that.that was really bored.
okok.. stop grumbling and find a way or solution.

today go to BM, when I go BM i think of the stranger again, because you are from there.
BM, Bukit Mertajam. not like Penang, not really like penang, not much entertainment I guess.
The reason I go there because I want to accompany my friend to check out for the band HAT.
then although didn't really did the collect information, but we really have a great time together, they are my seniors, and we didn't hang out together that often. so is a friendship's trip.
eat cheap Chicken Rice really cheap.haha ..
and my car already repaired. the bumper was fixes. cost 50 bucks.tomorrow can hang out again.
so tomorrow is a new day again, I have to list down my task and thing I should do tomorrow.

and today have a good conversation with CY. she seems very good and enjoy her holidays.
learn a lot from her, esp her attitude toward her studies and her own improvement. I want to learn from her ... hehex..
tomorrow DEE and joel will come back dee, yeah, kind of miss them, because I used to spent my days with them.and they are my good buddies.

I noticed something, these few day, everybody is talking about the election results. The parliament have change the history. Hope that the authority will continue to work for citizen not only for their own sake. YoHoo ~~ night

this is BM road

BLOG ABOUT ONE OF MY FRIEND JACk..

Haih, today jack really piss me off, sometimes I really don't understand him although we were friends since ages ago.Meaning of friends doesn't calculate on time but on time to understand and care about their needs. What he did really disappoint me, why? because he is my friend, and I feel like all of us seems like not important for him. Oh, what he think?? It couldn't make any sense.All of us was so worried and keep calling and keep asking.. and what we deserved? A Call that no one answer, and wait for a text message that he won't reply.
and actually I have two choices first I keep continue contact him, ask him the reason why? or second I can just ignore. Me not the only one he treat us like these, like Lily, junia, Joshua and we all are his friend and he just ignore us without saying anything, we try to call him like 20 miss call and text message him. But I feel like i'm just being kaypo, sick of it!! it is not the first time, what is his problems? Act like he won't care, does he know what friends really for..we have to respect each other not trying to ignore their miss call and sms.
haih. okay finish all the BULL SHIT. okay

if Jack you see this, this is what I want to say, give your friends some respect not just try to let go everything without saying a word.just think about this, should you give your friend some respect and think about it actually what friendship meant for you. although we are not your parents or family, but friend(jack), YOU MEANT A LOT for all of us(joshua, junia, adrian, and everyone of us) don't try to escape or ignore everything, think about how we feel.

and jack ''SORRY" if I have written something offensive..
LEFT IT OR TAKE IT ..i'm not trying to mad at you.. we always there beside you and try to consider and pray what is really love for you.CHEER !! still bro and sis right ?=> .

doing house chores and worried about the election

watched heroes again and still a bit worried my car and others people car.
luckily, I really loves my mum, she is really kind, I know sometimes, I am not that nice, esp talk on the phone while I'm doing my stuff, and we almost talk through the phone.
Sorry about that, I know I have to be obey and respect my parents.
and others person car was repaired, Phew!! just cost RM 250 for her car only,
and my car really serious damage, going to fix it on Monday.

continue my plan to meet my friends next week, and I knew today I sound bad, I don't feel like talking esp some friend in youth get the 'storm' from me. I knew it, I am really an EMO ~~
Cannot be emotional again, I know I just being self-centered and ruin other people happiness
and finally God let me find him(stranger) that I like, but everyone you really can't fall in love when you first see them, haih. we totally unmatched. y? he is kind of "". whatever, just he is not my type. Thank God maybe we can be friends. let every thing go smooth and natural.
well, next thing I'm worrying is the National Service stuff, I hope I will post the deferment letter and get the approval as soon as possible. Pray for me.yeah .. this week is the third times I ate KFC and I knew I going to put on weight because of chicken !! argh.. kill me .. have go to gym and work out !! I want to lose weight !!

Okay, I'm tired now.no pix for today, hehex. I was busying doing house chores today, and you know what doing house chores is an entertainment. haha, just have a optimistic attitude toward every challenges of our life and you can see the beautiful side of your side, I want to let go the negative thought and attitude and and have a new life, a new strength everday! and I know although this world just left me, HE the almighty will died for me, because of Love. and I'm going to rebuilt and love HIM everyday and Recharge and Renew my spirit and soul. YEAH!!!
LIVE LIKE THE LAST DAY OF YOUR LIFE, AND APPRECIATE AND HAVE A GREAT DAY EVERYDAY ....

night, everyone .. HAVE A NICE AND BLESSED SUNDAY `~~ yohoo ..

My day and a tragedy

Drive to Batu Ferringhi alone and have some leisure time myself, just me alone.
Sometimes I have to have some quiet time for reading and think of my life and the thing I had done and The thing I haven't do
I was sitting outside the coffee beans. The weather is so great, the sun nor too hot or too grime.
order a large mocha latte. wow, the biggest size of drink I had never order before. While I was sitting and reading my book. I had learn and I have to practice the optimistic attitude toward every circumstances in my life and appreciate everything and give thanks for your appearance and who you are. Because everyone of us are special and unique, just like the TV series
" heroes"I watched, everyone has their own gift and to serve and use it wisely upon others.
my stationary and big latte





the beautiful weather outside CB








ok .. start my tragedy, this was my 10th times hit on my car and hit on others car as well.
you know right, if you had an accident, you can't remember what you did just now and just come the ~bang~. I really can't recall back what was happened, whether is my fault or the other person mistake, but i knew This absolutely was my fault, because I hit on his back bumper, and my car crumble, and yeah I hit on a HONDA car again. Luckily, my parents didn't screw me badly, I think they already get used to it. They know I drive recklessly and I'm a impatient driver. Hiah, making trouble again.When I will start to drive carefully and secured??

holidays begin .. hooray ..

haiyo .. today exam, damn it I can't finish because we had not enough time.
Can you imagine we have I summarizing, referencing, 2 ouline essays and 1 complete essay. And we have just two hours.

And most of my classmate cannot finish it.

I really freak out, after the exam my buddy gave me some advice, I knew I have to do something on my academic, I cannot studied last minute, or doing last minute preparation.

I was panic and lost control. Because too many thing I have to study, and my own abilities are weak.

And for this sub(writing and referencing) mostly learning English language, and since primary school I was weak on language subject. After the exam, I really shut off myself, moody and soundless.

Then I hang out with my friends instead of go home. We went to gurney drive for dinner then go to Penang Bow but it was full house then LG Bowling, and I didn’t know what the correct technique and I always miss the pint. Although Eric(he is an expert) though me but you know, I am retarded.Then we go KFC then go back to gurney plaza, we planned to watch movie but do not have the mood.But we spent our time in Arcade.

Then go to a pub near sunrise, but the conditions there not so comfortable, then we left. Then go gurney drive, walk along the path. Phew!! Although we didn’t have a good planned, but I really have a good time and I enjoy the time with my friends, especially Fern, she is really a optimistic girl, she is very kind and joyful person, I have learnt a lot from her, and I hope that we can know each other more. Yeah, and Van Dee, the girl I mentioned before. Now three of us always stick together.

Virgin, one of my friends, he always like to tease us, I know he is a thoughtful person, shy haha i knew it virgin. OK..and Eric, he is the most quite among us, but he is kind and soft-hearted. Last, Joel, Dee’s bf, same, he also nice to me and Van Dee of course. I glad that to I know this bunch of friends. You know when u meet someone, or get know your friends, is not a coincidence you know.

So, start my new semester resolutions, and the first resolution is I want to forget you and let your image in my mind faded day by day.

These are some pic we snap today you all can refer to my friendster .. night

undercontrolled..

I understand the word: when you fall in love you will become another person, or love will drive you crazy. Yeah, and maybe I am not fall in love with you. I just like, like to see you. Well, hope so.

At least today the strong feeling can be controlled. Haha, I have said, I want to forget about it.

I can do it. I try to do it .

Have a nice and lessoned conversation with a nice friend, Lily. Although we know each other quite a time, However friendship is not something about time, is about heart right. I felt sorry, because sometimes you know that person, but do you really give your time to listen to a friend? Or do you really know and understand this friend? Their needs and what could you give? Or what had you learnt from your friend. I can see that, she is matured and I got a lot from her. Especially, she likes to mix with friend, new friend. Currently, I am studying mass communication so I have to learn a lot. Especially, mix with stranger and how they become your friend. Sometime, I stick to my own gang too much and it was a scary to talk or communicate English with stranger. I scare, I do not know why? Maybe I scare I will be offense by someone. I am too caring about how people think of me. Yeah, that’s the reason, I guess. Ok, I need to change my thought again, be optimistic!!

this is my best friend, Lily

A smile, or a laugh really can be very good. Good for your emotional and mentally, because actually today I was a bit frustrated when I woke up. However, instead with a sad smile I rather give a smile from my heart to the people around me. The smile from the heart, people can feel it, and can make them smile =>

From today now on, I have to take responsibilities for my life and God is the one who look and the One who work on it. No matter what, I hope that the relationship between me and God will never end; I want to keep walking on the path, On the right track.

Ok ok, is very late now. I haven’t prepared for bed. I didn’t pray and devotion and list the task I should do. I have to wake up early tomorrow to study.