Expectations

Expectations.. no matter expectations from others, or self-expectations, expectations for others.

I think expectation has beaten me out. Just like a punch on the face, telling me look at reality look at myself, not that great after all....

High Expectation will totally gone and get pretty pathetic when I realized how small I am, I look at the lackness, insufficient, weakness and how desperately I need others to support me and God

This reminds me of surfing games, surfing fully depends on wave size and the wind ....there are no any technics for a surfer to predict 100% accuracy, expectations from the wave and the wind. None, what they could do it just obey, gain experienced, skilled and persistency in learning.\

After they error and mistakes, they need to learn.

Leave the past behind and lesson is the reward they got.

DSLR newbies !!!

Argh ...... !!

Is pretty sad that I got my 40D DSLR and I've plan what kind of shot, which angle I am going to take .......but failure.

seriously have no confidence in taking photos d la. Darn !

But seriously.. the 40D is totally a stranger to me ....seriously freaking me out !! I want my compact cam!

I know I am so desperately want a DSLR and praying hard for it .. and now I got it

Thanks for my papa and mama.

I whinge ...haih ..

I think i expected to high on myself, i thought i could just handle it but NO!!

carrying a bulky 40D and running around like crazy photographer who know nutsss about her precious DSLR ..........

ok. I need develop a new relationship with my "2nd son"

love him just like how I love my flute

It take a lot of research and practice, yea my passion made me felt stressed now. :(

teacher role.

Ain't need a new environment for a breakthrough ..

I really like my part-time job as a tutor, actually like a sister more than a teacher ...

Her name is Ellen ..

We chat, we eat, we paint finger nails, we talk about her future, her friend, her school, vacation, her family

she makes fun of me and I poke fun of her , share with her my future, teach her about my philosophy of life .....

tells her the thing where parents don't teach ......

and she taught me the simplest thing that I'd never taught of in life .......

When i was ill, she'll text me .... remember to drink honey lemon .....

I felt glad she told me:"you are my first tuition teacher that close with me"

my heart was like :"Awwwwwww....."

although I know to earn this extra little income ain't a necessary for me .....

but ...it's not about money value ....

It's about worthiness inside .....the happiness everytime i left her house.

although I know I am not that good at academic, but I would try my best to teach her beyond academic ...........

Wreck

Who am I ???
before the world began, you were on his plan,
and every tears you cried is precious in His eyes.
nothing you can do could make Him love you more.
Nothing that you done could make Him close the door .....
a broken heart, a broken Life, He would take them all ..
Come .....He wants us to experience Him ......His Love ......
I ain't perfect .... but God look into man's heart .....
I need a breakthrough ............

JOY

"To burn out the pain, Just Find a place filled with Joy."

lead me through this please .......

I don't wanna keep blaming myself for crying out loud

I don't wanna felt like an idiot.................

I love all the angles God put in my life

which making me not losing hope ....................

dolce

i wanna be rebellious for once yesterday, yea maybe I am rebellious always.

Seriously yesterday it was really upsetting, trust me felt like the whole world crushing down

my tears started to become uncontrollable .......

don't know where it comes from

i felt like an idiot and numb

so I chose to indulge myself in short fun moment

left eveything behind

i know I am risking and quite dangerous though

i know there would be thousands of miss call ....thousand of ppl searching for me

I just don't feels like care at that moment.

really felt bad after I woke up.

Doleful

I don't know why this couple of days there's a lot in my mind ....... =(((

felt no peace inside ....

Yesterday when I was DIY-ing for angie's card and photos..

a kinda of sadness and missing a lot of them .....

maybe because everyone seems like leaving far .....

Don't know why this time seems so emotional, a sudden loneliness across.

fine

all you need is just overcome and you'll be just fine ..

take the first step

pray and grab for it

you'll be surprised for how much you've trying hard for

see things in different angle, you'll always get a better view

=)

Choices

The first portraiture picture I took clearly craved in my heart

and touch my heart .......

I still remember these two women which are brave told me what's their occupation are and the purpose they are there.

although the occupation where everyone's look down on

but I understand

if everyone has a choice who wants to be that .....

this reminds me of one of the parable in the bible where there was a prostitute brought in front of Jesus and everyone wants to stone her till death..but jesus ask :" who had no sins, he can accused this women till death." and everyone started to walk away. Jesus forgive what's this women did and she received God's mercy and grace.

...........So when I about to walk off

I smile and said: " God loves you"