bye OCTOBER !

So fast
today is 31.10.08
Time passes just like flushing toilet !!!

Look back, see what I've done in this months
A time to laugh with besties
A time to wrath
A time for Bible Camp
A time to fall sick
A time to struggling
A time to crashed my car
A time to bond the relationship with family
A time to watch many touched movie
A time to find myself
A time to miss so many people in my life
A time to become lazy
A time to read bible .. I Finish EXODUS !!
A time to Broke with no money
A time started to schedule eveyday SHOULD DO task
A time to listen to myself .. "what's PASSION for me"
A time to buy a new hair dryer
A time to change from DIGI to MAXIS
A time to celebrate friend's Birthday

in conclusion my October WAS
A time to grieve and cry now is
A time for GROWTH
A time to smile and laugh now is
A time for embrace yourself and others
A time to become sluggard now is
A time for a " Wake up call "
A time for walk way from God now is
A time to realized his grace, mercy and Love always with me

A time to be thankful for the past

Looking what's ahead is better than live in a past !
BYE OCTOBER 08
The only OCTOBER 08
a warm welcome to NOVEMBER 08 !!
new hope, new resolution with a new perspective !
embrace every moment
live as much as I could !

"THE BEGINNING IS ALWAYS TODAY "

never save a penny !!!

I'M BROKE !!!!
can somebody teach me how to save money !!
why why !!!!???
haih ...I want to spend my own money but I can't
I wish I wasn't spending my parents money !!!
Felt so bad spending PARENT'S money !!

say "no" to IF ...

Always make silly excuses to overlook my own mistake
just being a self-liar

"The lazy person is full of excuses, saying,
“If I go outside, I might meet a lion in the street and be killed!”
Proverbs 22:13 (NLT)

"HE Who makes EXCUSES, ACCUSES himself "
no excuses for lazyness
no excuses for procrastination
no excuses for not being responsible
no excuses for blaming the TIME
no excuses for blaming others no excuses
for blaming the hardship in life

say "NO" to "EXCUSES " and "IF "

“Don't make excuses.

Make things happen.

Make changes.

Then make history.”

– Doug Hall

DRool ...

Today is the first time ate Lemon Cheese Cake in secret recipe ~~
"Fine Quality of Cake "
thinking of trying something new rather than order my preferable cake,
Chocolate Indulgence ..
Plus I don't really indulge in CHEESE but I do like LEMON ..
so I've choose this ~~

Exquisite Lemon Cheese Cake - Tangy, but not overly sour, and just sweet enough
is so good !! taste great and just Hmmm ... Yeam yeam !

Rainy day with a hot drink

credit:esthertee
A cup of brew Green Tea Latte is just nice
especially when there's a rainy day outside
Sipped the latte .. wow
Cold yet Warm ..
Although hang out in coffee shop .
.yea Luxurious coffee shop
is so expensive yet
Some people just like to hang out there
spend their leisure time with the labbie, books, friends
I think it is not just about COFFEE, CAKES in the shop
but the leisure time
to buy the space and time to
fulfill the space in us
laid back and sip =)

That's was me and This is me

I was on the wide road
I WAS
I WAS hiding who am I
I WAS hiding who I want to be
I WAS afraid of anyone who could read me
I WAS afraid to be neglected
I WAS afraid to LOSE
I WAS afraid to LOVE
I WAS afraid to TRUST
I WAS afraid to accept the real me
I WAS afraid the eyesight of others do not fall on me
I WAS a attention seeker
I WAS afraid to take any critic
I WAS blaming GOD for creating me .. (sorry not anymore) ..
I WAS blaming my sisters' existance in my life
I WAS blaming my parents for their are not perfect parents
I WAS a person who won't trust friendship
I WAS a person who hates the black side of herself
I WAS a person who HATE "MYSELF "
I WAS thinking the real me is so embarrassing and disgusting
THAT'S WAS ME!

I am in the NARROW road
NO turning BAck

hahaha .. I WAS ... I WAS ..so pathetic last time ..
not saying that I'm perfect right now ..
but as time passed by, and many things that I've been through
I know ..
that
I'm SPECiAL ..
I'm BELOVED
I'm BLEESED one
I'm REDEEMed
I'm SAVEd
I Love "ME " no matter how ugly i'm
how Imperfect I'm because God love ugly
because everyone in this world has a purpose to live
A purpose to APPRECIATE
A purpose to EMBRACE every moment
A purpose to GLORIFY God
A purpose to LIVE
A purpose to LOVE

NO more HIDING who I WANNA BE
"THIS IS REAL THIS IS ME !! "

" I do not conside myself YET to have taken hold it.
BUT one thing I do :
FORGETTING what IS BENIHD
n STRAINING TOWARD what is AHEAD"
(PHIL 3:13)

I'm Loving it !!

This week I'm doing nothing hahaha ..
Great . Slack OFF duh ~~Aiks ..
this is not a good sign .. right *Hmmm *

But But there will be something to pull you back
of course something that you really indulge IN ~
YOUR PASSIONATE
doing something like totally like ..
" WOo !! I'M LOVING IT "
it don't have to be something POPULAR ~~
or stuff that make you feel GREAT ! BIG !
Frankly, its simple ..
right ~~ it could be our dream.. your passion :)
or just simple..
Just get into something that make u feel like YOURSELF
This passion would not stop by fear ~~
or the stupid critics that will make you back off
that endless enthusiasm In US !!
"Woo .. I won't stop or hesitate doing it !! I just want to hold on !! "
( Sound wrong make it clean ok !! )

erm .. I should think what make's me feel really really into it !
something that I wouldn't say no or make me slack off .
i'll think about it =)

O .. HAppY Day *wink*

" CRUSH " --- "add some colour in our life"
drink it !!! taste it muahaha crap..
brighten my day, I gave a big big wide grin *wink*
I can see and feel the shadow of the day.. wohoo :)

keep inspecting my self in front of the mirror
my blood ran cold in my blood ..
made me hypnotized
I Wished I would able to pause the time
Today counted in the "most happy day" in my life .. wohoo :)

although not much words
but the indescribable feeling just flush in ..
Thank God ..

Yippee yipee ya :) haha

TRAGIC agaiin

Yesterday was posting about timing

addition by my own words

" A TIME TO BANG My CAR "

it was 8:50am
today just hit a Motorcyclist in a junction where she wanted to turn in
and I was headed front
just flip of second, "BANG "
the girl fell infront of my eye sight
I was Stunt and uttered with my mouth open widely
no blood shed ..Thank God.
just pity my car INJURED BADLY !!! damn
Tuduh !!!
My mind was totally blank off ! what to do .. no body there to guild you
after she was gone ..
Suddenly awake, tears shed beside my cheek
I felt so helpless and fear
digging my mind, picking up the pieces of memory that scattered behind my fear
Felt sorry for my parents once again have to clean the shit and bear the consequences
every was fine right now

thanks to the responsible police man ....an Indian Sarjan
I could see him, a wholehearted man was accomplish his work
He changes my perspective towards a police
not totally but at least he is different among all ..
and one funny thing ..
the first police I met still using the two finger, the second finger pocking at the keyboard whike he filled in my details .
make me want to laugh muahahahaha
you should take a look next time when get a chance to the police station ..
hahaha .. and My Bahasa Malaysia is so poor, I can't wrote my report in a proper sentences a lot of Spelling mistake plus while the MALAY police using BM asking me, the language i was using is call "rojak language " ...

There is always a time for everthing

What if I looked my life in a different way ??
always good when look life from different perspective

There is always a time for everything

............. (Ecclesiastes 3)

For everything there is a season,
a time for every activity under heaven.
A time to be born and a time to die.
A time to plant and a time to harvest.
A time to kill and a time to heal.
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
A time to cry and a time to laugh.
A time to grieve and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
A time to search and a time to quit searching.
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
A time to tear and a time to mend.
A time to be quiet and a time to speak.
A time to love and a time to hate.
A time for war and a time for peace ....................

the timing never wrong ..........
everything is beautiful in its time
nothing can be added and nothing taken from it
coincidence doesn't exist ....

shadow of the night

I miss the shadow .........
in the middle of the night a lot a a alot .....
.... hahaha ..
just hope that to draw near to the shadow every time
but do you know what's a shadow?
shadow won't draw near us or know who you are ...
no matter just simply hope that shadow would just appear or pop out in front
but .. it won't and shadow will leave soon
do you believe that, It just make me feel like a fool .
yea i'm .. I'v tried to close my eye and figure it how the shadow look like, the figure
i noticed that the image gradually blurr and unseen
gradually ........ faded away

Overwhelmed ...I need a rest

Sneeze ........sneeze ..... caught a flu AGAIN .. Ahem Ahem ..
haih .everytime during critical moment I will fall sick ...

Busy ... Busy ... laid in front

started to force myself to follow the schedule and list to do everyday
just finish my Film assignment ...
because no cooperation within the group
individual just do our own part ..
sorry .. lost of focus neglected team work
A feeling of fulfillment when I knew that
in my life ..
I started to put affort in all the common thing
although it was tiring ..
but have you ever try put the very best of you to accomplish task
and although not as good as others
but when we look back
is the PROCESS .. the road that you've been through ..
PHEW !!! take a breath and take a break
CONTINUE to STRIVE for our PASSION and GROWTH
try our very best, God will do the rest ..

Quote of the day means to me a lot ..
"Shoot for the moon.
Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars "

I HAVE A DREAM ...

Dare to DREAM ..........

Do not ever kill a dream,

EXECUTE and DO it become reality

DREAM will helps you to cope with anything even failure :)

SO let the dream DRIVES YOU and

with the STRENGTH FROM ABOVE !!!

SO STRIVE FOR OUR DREAM NOW

Searching soul

Stormy day .... a hard day to cope ...
Search me,
know my anxious thought and
lead me through ........

looking the mirror... ask him

looking into the mirror, asking the image inside ....
" DO I REALLY KNOW YOU???? "





"just be yourself , just be who you are "
I always heard that and craved that in my mind .......

but ............. who am I ??
how to search for "me"
wonder how to be "me"
searching, finding for ESTHER TEE
asking myself
hahahahaha .....................
funny, pathetic ....................................

trying hard to find "me", the real me
trying hard to become "me"
but why wandered for so long and haven't get the answer yet
hahahaha ....................................
i dunno who i am
sometime, I need somebody to reassure and tell me who I am?
seriously, searching hardly just wonder the answer ..............
" WHO AM I !!!!!!!!???????????????????"


finally I get the answer ..........................................

" LIFE ISN'T ABOUT FINDING YOURSELF,
LIFE IS ABOUT CREATING YOURSELF "

life is about creating, transforming yourself
life is about how "me" creating MY own IMAGE
transforming to become
the image that GOD has GIVEN to US
don't be a fool like me .......

naive

the smile and the laughter of the children
GENUINE ..
the true innocent and naive of a child
is what I admire the most
they are spotless ...
no worries, no burden
PURE ..
no doubt in their life ..
no lies ..
they are not wearing any mask
they are just be who they are
no pretend to be like others
the most imp
THE CHEERFUL AND JOYOUS is from THEIR HEART

musical thing

"Play the music not the instrument,
Music is what INSIDEsound like "

where the rhythm and music come from
"heart " , "notes " ??
finding my passion

Light of the road

"I am the light of the world, ................"

sins reveals perfect and spotless because of perfect work by "the light "
imperfect completely removed by "the light "

Healthy Living

I want a healthy living !!! start now !
GOAL ! kick off the bad habits ..Start NOW !!

I like black and white .. colourless

Seeing the road ...
Confused about anything ahead me ..
how long the journey
how far the distance
Where is my strength?
tiredness lying on my feet ..
lose of strength ..
breathless

Small?? Big ??

So don't think our problem is :
too hard for Go
too big for God
too small for God
.............. there is nothing hard, big and small for God

"even the very hairs of your head are numbered"(Matthew 10:30)
".................he knows everything about me " (Psamls 139:1)

The only way

“In prayer it is better to have a heart without

words than words without a heart.”

What if I looked at my life in a different way
Took a little more time to stop and pray
I know it would change all the moments in between

Tons of tasks need to do during my holidayzz !!!!!
1. Leo thing, charter night
2. FILM sub assignment + presentation
3.MRM gays and lessbians proposal
4.church thing
5. Meeting friendZz,bestiess.. whee !!
6. clean my room

"raindrops keep falling on my head "
still raining outside, argh make me want to cover myself under the blanket and ZZzz .
Go! Go! Go! i need to accomplish my task ASAP !!

Forget the past keep moving forward

....do not dwell in the past..........
"nobody can go back and start a new beginning,
but anyone can start NOW and make a new ending "
forgive ourselves is the first step to start a new life every day