unselfishness

Once you realized that love is not that "real"

don't keep holding on ........

maybe it's because of unprepared, fear, time, space....

letting it go .... let myself get back to one who I wanna to be...

A chance for each other to move on....

to the next stop ... discover more about love.....

conclude 2009

sometimes seriously I should just have to let it go ...

no matter what ...

these few days keep reflecting about 2009, the past. The past me. and who I gotta be in 2010.

Sometimes we keep holding on instead of let it go....it's because of our own expectation... the hope that we keep holding. a false one. no matter the past, the future expectation which seems like not right, it's within a choices.

I think I am a person who withhold something and keep give excuses and the reason why I should not let go instead of just letting go".

let go without regret and change another perspective we would realized....

yea that's breakthrough..... let it go it's a time to move on.

P.s :to conclude everything in 2009, in one sentences.

I get to know myself more than 2008, I finally get to know who am I.

prep 2010

In the New Year, be sure to LIE, CHEAT, DRINK, SWEAR and STEAL more than you did last year.

LIE back and relax just a little more this new year. Let a little more life happen to you without so much worry.

CHEAT failure. Don't be afraid to try something new because you think you may fail. It is through failure that we learn the most valuable lessons.

DRINK from the fountain of knowledge. Many people around you have already been down roads you are about to travel. Learn from mistakes they have made. Take what they have learned and use it.

SWEAR to do your best. All the time, in every situation. That is all anybody will ever ask.

STEAL a little time for God. Everyday take a little more time to develop your relationship with God.

relief relief

bbig relief !!! Thank God I've passed my web wheeee ....... finally done with Html..css no more nightmares.

i actually did not expected it to pass and It's like "B" never ever expected that happen to any of the computer, IT thing !!!!!!!!

because I don't really hand in all my assignment and the assignments that I handed up it's not on time, like really like super duper uber late!!!

however the subject that expected to get a flying colours, did not. desktop publihsing, design all the brochure, newsletter, posters which I think compare to web I put more effort. but it let me down !!

never mind. at least I got a relieved now ... sighh ...

Thanks to Veen dee and fern helping me out in of the web assignments. The final group projects which we do while the day before bangkok, during bangkok still rushing assignments, after bangkok !!!

and they keep scolding me :" I tell you est, you better not to retake web that's whole lot of shite to do, sent now !!!! "

things that regretted didn't buy in bangkok

1. Headbands .. penang so expensive

2. Dress..

3. Photo frame big one.

4. coconut Ice cream !!!!!!!!

I am actually tiny tiny tiny

discover myself by reflecting what I've done everyday .....

discovering yourself and others everyday I could see clearly who am I ...

and I am not that great after all ...

it's good to have a good expectation, an ego and superego within ourselves

but c'mon let's face the truth

face nakedly to ourself

" we are actually nothing, not that great after all "

I discover "when we magnify ourself, make "me" look bigger.. I am actually the foolish person ever, the pride and self-importance controls all things.... "humble become so small... other people become so so so tiny"

how could I keep from singing

All of us have a longing for something more.

No matter how hard we try to appear self-sufficient, sooner or later we run out of something essential.

Isolation,loneliness, and fear of death lead me to acknowledge our need for a saviour especially for our soul.

But where can you find Him? just like the people who tried to find him in the palace, but not in a manger........ who will expect a son of God born in a place where the sheep laid. a stable, a manger.

Jesus is not a historical person, or the main character in christianity's story, legend.

Open your heart and you'll experienced him.

Christianity is a singing faith because it's not about religion. It's about a love affair. It's about a relationship with God. He loves you so much that He sent His Son as a baby in a manger.

Beloved

I think every year not the christmas tree makes me feels like christmas season

but it's this plant .......

Beautiful poinsettia.

awakens me into this season of love.

"Christ-mas"

I couldn't find the planted in penang seriously.. I think because it's hard to plant it.

I remember that's was my dad favourite plant .

everytime he tried to plant it will just wilt.

haih.. so what I'd seen in my life it's the fake and non-living poinsettia ..

Last week went to bangkok saw a lot of poinsettia planted at the roadside

wha....so pretty, so .. indescribable.. I hope I could just bring it back instead.

I really love it..

rearrange

now sitting infront of my laptop with a lot of trash and mess around me .which I have no idea should I throw or keep it...

Because this couples of days don't have car ..no car is like laming a leg, seriously, esp need to prepare for christmas..

so .... "room cleaning " !!! and it's the end of the year..

grab the chance to throw the old ones !!

aww ..while keeping my staff I saw all those wishes boxes full of wishes cards, new year, farewell from school, Birthday, friendship card. haih .. think of some of the name written under which are the friends that I've lost contact with and their faces suddenly scan through while I am reading through. haih .. not only that, and look back my art's class drawing and the tools ...from crayon to color"buncho" .. and water color... then pencil sketches ...wow it has been like 8 years I've learn art. since primary 1 until form 3. haih .... what a waste ...I don't remember the skills anymore. but look at my drawing, seriously perks up my childhood memories while I was like so concentrate.

and last time I which my ambition was to become a fashion designer...

I even kept the fashion sketches. that's the only page of sketch that I don't want to tear it off.

and put on a smile on my face while I flip through pages by pages.

yea the anger part .. I saw the lost phone.. warranty and the new charger, headset, boxes.. haih

seriously clean your room you'll in dwell in your memories .. and I could see myself how much I''ve grown up....

backy

Wohooooo after a an exam and pressure war ..

Just came back from a paradise.

Everyone reserve a getaway after all that ...

When first I stepped in Penang

I felt like i'm in reality

call " my life"

thinking what plan tonight, tomorrow and

how to accomplish 2009 resolution in this two weeks time

and my 2009 life is gotta end soon ...

Get back to your life Estee....

patch back everything.

awaits

One question makes me stumble .....

which asked by my sister, she asked :

" is there someone in somewhere which you think of everyday"

my eyes gaze become soften

awww..

While I am doing my assignment .. Saw this typography.

Simple yet meaningful ........and beautiful

I got to expressed this out seriously !! Argh

countless time that I couldn't shut my eyes to sleep

and had a few times of breathless sleep.........

I noticed i am so depressed and stressed up !!!

Argh felt like wanna collapse soon tough !!!!

seriously I kept telling myself never ever give up

never ever .. Must finish it, must accomplish !!

every time I try to shut my eyes is just a lot of things, assigment, revision like

strengle me so hard so hard so hard ..............

I really need strength ...to outdo myself

I think this time seriously pull me off limit .......

backup

" The Beauty of falling apart "

everything has its own time

A TIME for falling apart and A time to build up again

sometimes we fall down

can't get back up

It's never too late ....

The beauty of falling apart is for us to learn how to pick it up again and again

the beauty of falling apart is to show the greatness of the creator