Christmas .. a season to spend our fortune ???

Traditionally, today is the start of the Christmas shopping season-although, the Christmas decorations have been out and the big sales have been going on for weeks already, haven't they? Retailers seem to push harder and harder each year to convince us to spend and spend because we need more and more. And you know what? It works!!! We get all caught up in a mindset that says we can only truly express our love for somebody if we can find and buy the perfect gift or either have a countdown party It's a very sad scenario, not only because a holiday that is based on love freely given has become a symbol of consumerism and purchasing but because a season that is to be filled with joy and hope becomes a time of stress and emptiness.Christmas has become more and more commercial and loses it real meaning of Christmas

Christmas is about LOVE ..
The start of LOVE
The way to spending time with your love one
family, friends that come back from aboard
The time to gather around the table
and start counting our blessing ..
rather than just countdown partying ..
Christmas is more than that ..

UNREAL

how should we forget about someone
anyone just like "click " !!
and they would just disappear in your mind
haha don't tell me
TIME would make us forget
I want now !
these few days so many things happen
everything like started to change ..
the feeling swayS ..
the principles I'm always hold on to !
even sometime lose myself
This might be a good thing
or vice versa
everything has double effects
my important principle is:

DON'T LET SOMEONE BECOME A PRIORITY IN MY LIFE
WHEN I AM JUST AN OPTION IN THEIR LIFE

break through

A choices that we've made would come more than we expected
everything is more than enough if you make a right choice and
commit into it give all we have to give
Blessing is beyond our wildest dream as long as we
"launch down into deep .......... let down our nets ......... and Catch ..."
break away from comfort zone and step out in faith what's in my heart where he placed it .. " BREAK THROUGH "

"launch down into deep ..........
let down our nets .........
and Catch ..."

Slow Fade

I wonder ..how can I fix back everytime ..
I am crumble currently, everything just like falling apart
"Be careful of my eye what I see
Be careful of my heart what I think
Be careful of my lips what I say"
I would leave broken heart astray by the words I spoke
Do not let your heart invade by grey
there is no black or white anymore
there is no right or wrong anymore
Be careful if I think I stand !
I might just stand on a sand ..
I might fall badly ..
CRUMBLE hardly

When you'r in Grey ... is dangerous
The heart started to invade by pessimistic ..
barely to see the sunshine while you'r in grey

A season to LOVE .. Roses symbolic LOVE

Credit : Esther Tee
Wedding marches is a prelude of a marriage
but every steps taken is to explore a true love
Marriage is a starting point of true love
A ring is a symbolic of Commitment and love
Marriage is not a show,
Which is to be shown in public,
But it is a center of two souls.
we can't find a perfect couple sitting among the audience
but we could find perfect couple..
that two hearts bound become one
that's call true love
relationship is not a reflection of an image
we can't find a perfect ONE
neither our parents or Adam and Eve
but because of imperfection make us perfect ..
is just like a roses always match perfectly with sun flower..

FRUS

quick to listen,
slow to speak,
slow to become angry


I need to be more more more patience ..
esp when everything cram in ..
I would just get mad easily
and I couldn't bother..

Prejudgement ..

"If we judge others only by their outer appearance,
we might miss the wonderful surprise of
what’s in their heart. "
— Bill Crowder

You are wht you are currently

Maybe I'm the one who walk away
walk away from all these ..
and left everything behind ..

where is my smile ??
it falling apart .. become debris
where is my optimistic attitude ??
dunno throw in the dustbin ...
where is the last time I really give thanks ??
I don't remember ..
now is just cover with blaming and excuses
where is the last ESTEE
I don't know
got lost somewhere .....
do not know the way to go home
Where is my dream, goals, passionate ???
I don't know
I forget to save it in my heart .'.
or I've deleted from my heart
now is just EMPTY

I WONDER, I DOUBT, I MISS .........

capture .. before it die

credit : esther tee
freeze the beautiful of a flower before it dying
Capture the vibrant colour of the flowers
actually it already half dead
a flower has a very short period of beautifulness
A very short moment of blossom
a short moment to see the world
a short moment to appeal the beauty

this brought me to another way of thinking
when is our to blossom..
when is our time to fade away?
when is the most prettier time in my life?
when is the dreadful time?

Garden walk

today at 11:30 am decided to take a jog or a walk in botanical garden alone ......
though it was really a hot day ..
trust me .. is 12pm man
at least I want to be alone find that there is a nice place
I have a chance to slow down my pace of life
and concentrate on my footstep
focus on every movement around me
focus of every living thing
listen to the natural breath
the natural and calm surrounding
study the color of flower
matching of the surroundings

"DO not run away from problem too long
it will made you be like a coward !!"

Aimless .. hopeless

I'm now sitting on my bed
a lot of questions and doubts just pop into my head
stupid self-esteem lying on the door
start doubting
haih .. feeling like want to cry out to someone
or express to someone
but ......
I just do not know who to call and how to express my feeling
i just realized that as we grow up, people tend to keep things to themselves a nd
is kinda hard to just burst out so easily to anyone ..anybody
especially from the inside ....
hope that I have somewhere to hide from all my problems
and hope that I could have someone to rely on
someone that could read me without me saying any words.
tears just rolling in my eyes
speechless
i do really hope that I could just talk to my parents and
share with them .. how pathetic I am
but I can't
what I could do is just throwing temper to them
maybe is my way to get attention from them
and they know that something has happen to me
and leave me alone ..
I hope to see the sunshiine again
I felt that my shoulder is so so heavy
I miss the shadow of stranger ...

Sun flower wanna-be

Sun flower-wanna-be
connection between the sun and flower
Sun flower always smile to the sun :)
just only to the sun :)
haha .. the connection is just amazing between flower and SUN

When you fall

So much to do .. wanna shout ! want freedom !
wanna run away .. wanna give up ..loose my step

something I hold on .. voice from inside
" Estee, enjoy what you doing !
Do not complaint ! stop and try your best !
is a chance for you to learn
A chance to become stronger
A chance to prove your abilities and what's in you
ENJOY IT and STRIVE, LET GOD DO THE REST
Don't give up DO whatever I could do !! "
that's what my heart said so ..

"If the mind keeps thinking you've had enough
But the heart keeps telling you don't give up
Who are we to be questioning, wondering what is what
Don't give up
THROUGH IT ALL, JUST STAND UP!"

"THOSE who stand for nothing fall for anything "

post angry :)

for me I would said :
"Drive carefully
save a car "

THANK GOD
my parents are always nice ..being thoughtful ..
although they still think that i'm a suckzz driver
because they dare not sit in the car whenever I drive .
haha
they accept my reckless everytime
and they'll fix the car problem for me.
and whenever they drive they could give some free lecture
how should I drive a car and bla bla bla
especially my dad, he is a supert careful driver
although drive very very slow--- " Pak Cik driver "
but at least is safe :)
not like me :)


1 thing i'm curious is about
why everybody is driving
they get the P liscene
I have too !!
BUT
within 1 year plus
I could hit my car 15 times from the day I pass until now
scary !! how many tragic will happen
i'm not exaggerate ..IS SERIOUS MATTER
My car being fixed like 6 times already
I think got cursing or something !!
It might be a curse to my car or
a curse towards me ... this stupid driver !!

how could I stop the damage and tragic not to happen again ???

a day not to be remembered DAMN IT !!!

CAN I CUSS NOW !!!!!! DAMN IT DAMN IT !!!!! WHY I HATE Today !!!
pls excuse me now !!!!!
I'm BOILING hot !!!!!!!!! 100000000000000% DEGREE CELSIUS!!!
ARGH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK FUCK FUCK @@#@$@#!$@!$@#@#%@#$!%#$
argh !!!!!!!!!

can you imagine that after you were rushing like hell to pass up the assignment before 5pm
and everything is you have to bear it and finish it !!!!
AND just after 5 pm you walk out of the college
take a deep breath that ... woo .. relief !!!
at least something was done

and !!!!!
YOU SEE YOUR CAR WRECK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AND NOT like a light wrecked you know !! I wouldn't mind if just scratch !!
iS MY CAR BACK SIDE BUMPER YOU KNOW !!
THE UNDER TYRE COVER COMING OUT
AND A SERIOUS DAMAGE ON THE SURFACE !!!!
DAMN IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGH hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHhhhh


I dunno which BRAINLESS, BRAIN IN THE ASS people just bang on my car while i'm parking on the road side !!!!!
pls la HUMAN !!!!!! if you accidentally hit on other car and the driver is not there
would you leave a contact number !!!
I WILL !!! damn you I definately will !!!!!
ARGHHHhhhhHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

BRAINLESS PEOPLE DO YOU KNOW THAT MY CAR JUST REPAIR and painted new !!!
and you just bang on my car !!!
I WAS THINKING TO CALLL THE COPS AND
CALL THE AMBULANCE to fix my car !!!!!
ARGHhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I"M ANGRY !!!!
ANGRY !!!!!!!!!!


EVERYTHING JUST HAPPEN !!!!
ARGHHhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I NEVER NEVER THIS ANGRY before !!!
argh !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This time my car wreck is 100% not my fault !!!!!
ARghghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I know I can't believe i could swear and cussing now !!!
you can't believe i will post this
if you feel uncomfortable
DUN READ ..
this is MY BAD SIDE and 1000000000000000% of anger !!!
I JUST WANNA BURST IT OUT
AND EASE MY ANGER ...!!!!!

TEAMWORK ..
each one of us has different abilities and role to plays in every team work
to discover the color in each of the group members ..and of course
to discover
HOW MUCH COULD I DO ? HOW FAR HAVE I TRY? HOW MANY I'VE LEARN ?
what is the purpose or reason behind to group with " hard core" character in a team


Whooppsssyyyy ...Tons of group assignment to go !!
New challenges, new hope !!!
I hope I could keep the faith and hold the words I've said

cracking my head

Headache !!! I hate panadols and medicine !!!
take a good rest now !
yet ........tons of load to do !!

"cheerful heart is a good medicine "
do not let disappointment and sorrow dominate me,
my health and mental
DOMINATE THEM !
I GOTTA GET OVER IT

Tangle

My necklaces are tangle together ...
trying hard to fix it
just like my mind and thought
started to tangle .. t
wist together into confused mass
fix ?unfix ?
how ? find out the source of problem and solution ?
or just let it be ??

High integrity ...

"GENUINE"
is from the heart
nothing can fake it

as the time passes by
I grow, I learned
frankly, we tend to lose the GENUINE
the genuine like a child
" how GENUINE people are ?? "
when others see us, what do they see ?
reflect myself
" how genuine I am "
"when others see me, what do they see ?"

Work now let go the aimless dream

Everyday I would ask myself
"Did I accomplish something meaningful ? "
" none " .. haha did nothing although everyday had tons of TO-DO lists
time to wake up !!!
WORK NOW ! TOIL !

The one who WORKS his field will have plenty of food,
but whoever CHASES daydreams lack wisdom.
(Proverbs 12:11)

A CHEERFUL HEART is good medicine,
but a CRUSHED spirit dries up the bones
( Proverbs 17:22)