Sometimes I would blame and asking myself, why it is so hard for me to cope with the person which have totally opposite of me. Or the people which makes me wonder how could they be like that ..............

I found a new way ............

Be thoughtful and understanding ...........

Forgive and Hold On ......................................

I am asking God let me to be more understanding and thoughtful ..

KAMSIAH ~

Superb !!! YES !!! hahahahahaha tomorrow will be 30th

Just now my mom walks in my room and give me extra money for MAY !!!

My goodness so touch ..........muacksss!!!

Thank God.. I think she knows that I need a pair of Converse Shoes (because my old sneaker shoes already broken) ..and a Adidas Cap !!

sadly .. I don't think I gonna use the money for Converse, i think I would just take my shoe for the cobbler ...and I don't think the adidas cap is what I really need ...

see ~~~~ finally bad girl gone good !!!

actually I am happy not because of the extra money ... indeed it is because

I felt that my mum know my needs .. And she is a thoughtful women ..

and I'd just asked for once ....only once that I told her :" mom, my shoes broken already"

I didn't said I need a new one ......

i think I am quite fine with coping with money right now ~~ I mean this month (april)

Haih ....but I think I am not a good girl at home la

TADA ! this month got extra bill for my parents ..

extra phones bill from me

and extra summons !!!!!!

and extra worries when I've always comes back late at night ...

Haih ... I am such a ungrateful and unthoughtful daughter .....=(

Good job ~~~~~~~

I hate summons man !!!! I've 3 for this month ...

my dad said :"it's enough for this month, girl"

plus another bonus summon ...... got another summons for illegal traffic light crossing over ..

congrat !! I got 4 summons for this months .............

eeee

I am an empty container ..

empty ........

empty ................

among the ordinary the most non unique ....

not fancy ....

nothing to be envy ....

nothing to be

sometimes I really wonder why I was born for .......

no matter how much I've trying hard ..

should I stay away from something or someone that makes me non-happy

or stay away from someone that could bring you down

let your confidence felt unworthy......just like some piece of trash.

or I should take it as a challenge or some stepping stone ?

I am lost today....................................................

ID

A person could has a multi-personalities ..

Sometimes without any consent, we would know what we belong to this kind of people

however some characteristics in us like one of my friend said .. " we are born with it "

NO matter how hard we trying to fake it or imitate it, it just doesn't "me" anymore ..

no matter what ..

I believe everyone is unique ... no body was being born without a personality

No one in this world is alike with us

Make it Happen

Now sitting on my table guess what it is Clean ~~~~ although blamed my maid for cleaning my stuff without any consent .. but look ~ the disaster study table has become neat and tidy without any stain and I gotta rearrange my stuff... i just felt like writing a post right now !!

i am a person who would get happy and satisfied very easily ...watch a significant movie, crave some thing for my mouth sake, reading inspiring quotes

BUt i am also a person who is very very emotional .. a non-verbal body language of a person could makes me thinks into very very deep of philosophy and psychological thought ..

when i am having a really really hard moment .. I would not pick up any phones call .. even when my parents call ..I just wanted to be alone. .

Sometimes I really sick of the mood swing stirred my emotion and is kinda hard for me to overcome ...

Some people would thinks that I am a mean person, i knew that sometimes I would just utters which others don't want to hear .. or some words really offensive .. but i am a person who can't hide my feeling or kept some straight forward comment ..

I would just burst it out .. i think sometimes don't measure others by using our own vision ..

Sometimes I express how I felt .. in a right manner .. it could build up something ... not necessary

i think words are neutral .... just the way how we received it and decode it ... .. I just say what I wanted to say . One thing very funny, the words that I expressed it out .. it did not save in my memory anymore .. Sometimes it could be offensive, which I don't recalled what i did .. but the victim could remember for a lifetime. That's something really bad .. but my intention not harmful i guess..and for the victim ..a word for you guys "Take it or leave it ", you could that you'r a victim but for me I am just telling you want you don't want to hear ..it might be somethings that you know but you can't be truthful to yourself...........so i think straightforward is one of my virtue.the lesson I've learned currently is be have faith in who I am and have faith in Christ .

No matter what happen do not lose hope .........

faith is the virtue that I don't want to give up on ..

If you are unsure of your identity, you’ll allow others to pressure you into their molds

Pursuit of happiness

A brilliant song .. jn an odd composition .. 5/8 counts in a bar.

Lyrics written saying my current mood ..

mine translation a bit cacat ..

My desired happiness
Defray for love
Defray for live
Why and what I am toiling for
I clearly recorded the details
With my own eyes
Find a way in my own dreams

When the time I need to search for a way
I shall not kept silence, I would ask a way heading towards my dream

I didn’t know the speed
To fit in the changing pace of the world
Life is just like waiting patiently for creation of a clay

My happiness is on the way
Dream, Goal, imagination, crazy fantasy
I just want to persist every steps that I’ve taken
Though there would be disappointment along my way
Life is just like a piece of cloth I’d choose
Happiness
My desired happiness is not under control
Happines
My desired happiness is on

photo of the day

Where

"Be confident enough to be humble"

NOt again

Today went to McD again !!

No McD for meal !! Please ......

This is the third time this week ... For goodness sake

I don't care what RM 6.95 thingy .or 2 pies for RM 3

really sick of McD's salty French Fried ...

I willing to spend more for more healthy food ...

I am not loving it anymore (at least for half year.. call it a break man)

Law

Love with All your

heart, soul, strength, mind ...........

unbearable

control control !! try not to be too obsessed with scale esp to something that I used to stand on top ..every one wish all the digits number could just rise up without afford ..but this absolutely NOT ! I could not bear with the rising digits !!

and the unbearable num on the scale .... You want it to rise up very fast, but I need a lot a lot of afford to let the scale slide down ..... Now need to start over again ...

plan + right attitude + the most hardest thing for me " CONTROL "

I don't want to be that anymore ....Argh.

Shape the confidence man ..

change the lifestyle instead on focusing

following

This couples of day kinda fed up with someone wondering .. what on earth is he doing? isn't my fault that I should pay some responsibility too? I felt some coldness inside. Something could not just go really smooth in the way I expected. Trails and obstacles always cause me to stumble easily, i am not that strong. A person could not lose his hope. A man without hope is just like a bird without wings. I can failed, but I could not lose my hope ...

Struggling .Obsessive. keep on faith. Attempting ................

Fireproof

Fireproof doesn't mean the fire will never come.

It means when the fire comes that you will be able to withstand it.

"What is wrong my little Cherub?Esther always keep your chin up and smile and think its great to be alive.And say what a lovely day I'm up and breathing" Trevor

The main main problem

The biggest enemy is "me"

finally I realized what is the reason of stumble, the reason of nervous, the reason of failure.

Actually is something that we want it the most, to hold on tide of our pride and faith

I've always want to do this, want to do that .. by saying I want it .. but did my heart really meant it ? Did i really make the most !! Did I really try my very very best? Did I really strive for the stuff i wanted the most ..... That's why in my lifetime . I've always floating on the water and bitting around the bushes. Now I realized how much pride could cost.. How important a pride is .. to gain back pride with a confidence and the faith that always chain on you .. No matter what ....

You'll keep believing who you are and what you capable of .. and what you don't capable of and go and strive for it !! Out of sudden, I just woke up .. really a wake up call that made me realized what would be a main reason I am not that persistent ....... because of I don't have the confident and faith to believe .........believing that through everything 100% of faith would make the thing the most. I'd always hesitating and shaken my goals because of myself ..My unbelief ... I've always doubted and find crappy excuses for the "shite" happen .. How could I just realized it now .. Is the faith I lack the most .. And i needed the most .........no matter in what way, family, dream, service, academic ......... Faith come first and then yourself .. faith is come with works without doubting ....... Faith .. shoot for the moon ....... which means made impossible nothing .......

SHooooo

Everthing would change just a flash of our eyes

every fast ...

no matter in a good way or bad way . that would never be the same every day

especially the way you feeling someone ...

you probably would find that the someone around you might not be the same like what you expected ... or your own perception to view someone ......

this kind of changes nothing bad .. is just a chance for me to get to know ...

Oo .... I have wrong perception towards her .. She is genuine like that ..

friend, I could say imp in every part in my life ..

However The most imp is that ..

I should know what could be change . and what could NOT be change

I should accept someone for reacting like that, because is just her ...

It might be different , but as long it doesn't affect our friendship ..

just Accept who she is ........

let myself accept the way she is

let me accept the things that couldn't change

Another great dining

His Birthday !!

This Dining place wow the lamb Wohoo !! Awesome ......with the wine ~~

Two Thumbs-up !! one of the best dining place which I like the most ...

when the moment I walked off the restra ..

Gratitude heart .. Thanks to my parents ... =)

actually I felt guilty for craving 50 + of lamb .. that could be someone salaries for a week.

But hehehe i was satisfied by the way ....

IT WORTH !!! the delicious when the juice of the lamb still left in my mouth ...

Woot !! next time I should try the steak !!

Photeeeee class

Penang streets have different voices are shouting outside and inside ......

we got assignment for Photo class ... Let's go penang Streets

These are people who still striving for what they want in life .....no matter how long it takes, it is the lifetime of their life....take the opportunity striving, running on the journey that's call "LIFE"

the Beca Uncle, seen the "growth" among the streets

HOnesty. I would say

colour other people "life" and regain the freshness of colour on the wall

Need not fancy shop, just skills will do

Paste it on. rebuild.

The fierce uncle concentrate his work, Suddenly "FLASH" Oopsy

The job culture where other places don't practice.

Implementation

TADA !! here we are striving !

"A job made a man

Time develop skills

Age made experienced

which others don't have "

Spot !

Spotted 1 ........ slow down my pace and observe the busyness of others, somebody waiting for shutter heading to their own destination .... Some people would just squatted on the road side waiting to catch for a ride .................

Spotted 2 .. Estee cycling to a small garden, sitting on a swing ....leg swing above the air..miss those time which she likes to swing when she was a kid .......even her leg can't reach she would asked some one pull her from behind hehehe.

Spotted 3 .. estee can't stand with her messy room .....finally do something about it .. Keep it tidy a little bit, change the position of her stuff ....but her mood just feels different, tidy include her thought ........sadly, spotted a lot of dust in her room

Easter ...... the rising of the sun ..light begins

Currently no confidence in taking photos

I felt pressure .....................................

i think is because after the 1st photo's assignment the alphabatical assignment

has create a trauma and paranoid ..........................just pressure .. i think is because .....

I think maybe i am really really bad by using the lens vision

Don't know why i just felt pressure and heart is really heavy when taking up my camera currently

Include today the sunrise scene ..... I lost own perception ..

I would kept thinking:"isn't the angle that i want, isn't beautiful capture ? "

I really think that every photo that I shot is not the one that I want ......

How could you say no

"One Cross, Three nails, Forgiven "

When HE WAS ON THE CROSS, I'm IN HIS MIND

Cycling cyc cyc

cycling alone without concerning about anything

is just drift you apart from all my mind and mood trash

mood swing swing, but look who is going to fix it ............

CROSS ~ CROWN ~ PAIN ~ GAIN

Life ......is exclamation mark

My favourate artist has passed away .... 阿桑

She is a talented singer .. I love her song is call " 葉子"

How could this happen !! why ?

She has a great personalities, a gifted voice ...

only 34 years old ...........

how could she dead because of breast cancer !!

this news really make me stunned and unbelievable ................

Life is short ......................really short ..............................

making sense ? I don't really into it

I am still skeptical to this "Horoscope thingy " , but i found it funny.
Isn't the people around the world would have the same characteristic that match with the description of the horoscope thing ...
haha funny,
AQUARIUS - Does It In The Water

Trustworthy.(i'm, but not responsible)
Attractive(absolutely nope).
Great kisser(No comment).
One of a kind(yea i think I am weird),
loves being in long-term relationships(absolutely correct, relationship is just meant for marriage).
Can be clumsy at times but tries hard(yea !! I just don't understand just can't kick off the clumsiness).
Will take on any project. (erm.. yea impossible is nothing)
Proud of themselves in whatever they do. (kinda,enjoy achievement right)
Messy, and unorganized(yes!!my room is just a mess). Procrastinators(yes!!).
Great lovers, when their not sleeping(???).
Extreme thinkers. (yea,i would think a lot a lot no matters what)
Loves their pets usually more then their family(nope. my nostrial sensitive to fluffy animal).
Can be VERY irritating to others when they try to explain or tell a story. (yes !! because I am just kinda slow, and my friends alway lost their patience)
Unpredictable(maybe, surprise !).
Will exceed your expectations(most of the time)
Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out. (no comment)

Around me

More than myself ...........................

every when I got beaten down, I've learn that everything is not about myself

is more than that .. I would realized how fragile a person could be ..

how fragile a life could be ....

is just like it could broken easily when you choose the wrong choices

it's so fragile fragile ...

IN bthe pain of selfishness and self-centered. the harden heart

You found me ...

every time the light that brought inside my heart

a feeling that couldn't explain ..

but I knew is a call to wakes me up

tells me this life is not my own ..

" In my anguish I cried to the Lord, and he answered by setting me free ...."

Random just ..

I think shite would just happens when you think you have a clean slate !!

saying that "learning from past mistake" I have heard this a lot of times,

Why? isn't a dissaprove statement, comment, or a judgement ..

It doesn't really leave me a hard feeling ...

i'm just lost in this moment, doubting the real "me".

I really enjoying the night ride heading back home alone, really arrange my thought

sometimes I just hate the stupid self-conscious and self-pity feeling that make me feels awful

and ungrateful .........

I need a break through !!!

The fool of me

I am not in the mood !! Do you know what girl's would do when she is not in the mood and so pissed because she can't find a simple cheap flatttssss in a mall !!!

finally guess what I'd bought .. A 100 bucks stupid non-branded Laptop sleeve case !!! haih, smack me !! please do it .. verbally or action per se !! ok and now I AM REGRETTING !!!

100 bucks, at the moment i' ve decide to buy it .. I don't know that IT"S NOT WORTH !!

Currently rethink again, 100 bucks I could do a alot

adding another 80 bucks I could buy HUGO XY which I wanted the most

with 100 bucks are my weekly expenses

100 bucks I could SAVE IT IN MY BANK and gain INTEREST !!

haih, so next time I better don't bring cash for shopping, just buy what I really need!

I am such a unwise consumer. In other words, stupid consumer.

Shite happens, economy shite happens ..

never mind we have to spend so that the economy would one day rise again. (* grin)

I am so in love with this song !! I think I get over d !! every time listen to Lee Hom's song would think of joshua ong, the funny guy that would say :" my friend said my voice just like lee Hom" OKie !! But joshua really has a brilliant voice which you would never know when you look at his small tiny size.

ok so current thinking :

Let every season pass and never look back

Don't matter how many people still playing on your head

Or how you have been doing for the last season

every day could be a brand new day

Let go something that you should

and hold on the virtue, principle, lesson learn from mistake that you.

chain faith on my neck.

For me some memory that I don't want the most I chose to leave it behind. say to myself:" let's go move on", the new scenery is heading forward !!