unthankful

Maybe they love me less compared to them maybe partially love not whole .. they do love but not enough, not much ..... do love really count in amount? or just my own self-pity ......... I've never been good in their eyes .. That's it ..that's fact that's the hurt which I never ever want to remember or mention a word. I do felt like we are people who stays under the same roof and without connection.This is just a empty house not home, which I would never felt protected, secure, happy. that's why I rather to be alone. sometimes I am thankful for where I came from sometimes I don't. Sometimes I doubted the love offers, sometimes I just wish I could be like others. sometimes I wish they could be just like others .I hate myself for not being contentment right now ......what to do? *siggghhhh*