today go for flute class ... sad ..
remind me last time ..
Having lesson with Chong Yuan ...every time when I play flute
Look back my flute technique book, his hand writing on my pages
remind of him .. A great teacher come out a great student but last time I've always fail him. I never follow his will. I just do whatever I like
He always nag and force me to get into orchestra, saying that i'll be the great flute soloist
he asked " do you want to hide your skill just play for yourself, or the marching band?"
I know orchestra definitely a great platform for me, brush up my skill
I refused .. I was so stubborn ..but yet he still not giving up .. planning other strategy
... yea that's ages ago ..
A flute coach that I've miss ... a great friend I'd miss ..
I still remember his figure very clearly in my mind every time I play my flute
Wondering where is he now, must be in some place
A great successful clarinet soloist.. a great orchestra conductor.
Although we've stop contact each other ..
i miss him .. hope to met him one day
but I can sense that day still far away
until the day ... i dunno
I don't know how far could I go for my passion for flute
but I do know my skill or my music talents keep sliding down
God give me this gift I should grab every opportunities to equip myself
use the talent and plus diligent ...
sadly , I DID NOT !!!!
i regret .............. why should I let every opportunity and my passion faded away
last time I got distinction for almost every grade for flute
now !! the skill and passion just slide through my finger, fast, clean, nothing left
just left regretting and the stupid distinction shite certificate !
haih !! what am I doing !
I need a super huge courage to stand up and embrace my dream for music passion AGAIN
I dunno how much time to promise myself my skill and passion will come back
last time is a long time investment
I've learn piano for like 10 years since I was 5
I've learn flute for 5 years
I scare I don't have the energy and time to pick up ..
I scare I won't be that good any more ..
I just don't have the courage to face it that's the reason why I completely running from it last year ... Last year totally shitte year .
i really miss my last time strict tutor ..every day force me to practice and shouted at me.
I miss Chong Yuan, I miss Ms.Teh, Ms. Tann, Mr.Philips Yeoh
thx.Mr.Fernando, my current flute coach still patiently teaching me flute
but I still sucks .... yet still I did not practice what he wants ..
"i'm sorry, I need time and have to face my obstacle"
He know I have obstacle in front ..
but he can't figure what is it yet still he keeps encourage and give me complement
sorry mum still paying RM220 every month but my skilsl keep dropping ..
no improvement .............
and last time paid for the damn RM 500 grade 8th piano fees plus every month piano fees
I still FAILED my 8th grade !!! I regret !! why I did that ..how could be such a loser..
but I know
Shite .. now i just left and regretting and don't know where to start ..
and where is m courage to start everything from the BEGINNING ..
haih .. at least I express it out ..felt much better
I've run from this problem for 2 years ..
I felt so bad so bad so bad for I did and the thing I did not do
the responsibilities I did not accomplish ............
" how should I face this big obstacle, how ?"
"where should I start, how I am going fix this puzzle? "
prayer to God :
" Lord have your way in me, forgive me and let me forgive myself, give me the courage and show me the way.
I'm sorry for the time I've lost, sorry for the gifts and responsibility that you gave to me, I've missed it, I did not hold on the opportunity and I did not follow your way, I was like Jonah, who run away from your will..
you've given me the best, the best flute I've ever have .. I been asking for long time .. you hear my prayer and my dad bought it, i was so so happy...the platform, everything is countless .. but see Lord what've I done . and look what I gave to you..my lazyness, problem, my irresponsibilties, blaming .....
I'm sorry.....forgive my sins and wrong doing .. but Lord, you never abandon me, you keep giving me chances no matter how much I've done because of your love ....
Now, you have given me many opportunity in church in children ministry, secretary, youth, music, to serve you and a chance to equip myself. Lord, take my past and lead me walk out from the past, give me courage to face the problem and face the responsibilities I shall face, let your holy spirit guild me ..listen to my plead ..
In Jesus name I pray and ask, Amen.
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