today i [gave 100 attention to ms.Ruby's lecture ..
i really like my course a lot of hilarious people there they always like to bully the girls ..
and have lunch the 2nd time in school .. wow . the rice is so expensive ..
pretty much like start mixing with my friends .. they really kind .. sometimes they are so mean and i'm so innocent and blur ..do not understand the 'jokes' and the 'words ' they used ..haaha. is ok .. is just a lot of crap ..
nowadays i really do not have quiet time to really meditate myself .... and my exam will be next week .. nightmare ..
not seems quite happy tonight ... i am a fast boiled water .. lose my temper tonight ..argh ..
so why i used to living in my own world .. really want to move to a place where JUST ME there and other people that they do not know me .. then i will know .. i will start learning to 'growth' ..
i'm trying to grumbling or complaint my life .. just i need a lot of space for me to really know 'who i am' and 'who i want to be' .. get what i mean ??
is not my family are bad .. i feel proud to have these family .. and i'm too lucky .. maybe because of that i take it for granted ... appreciate .. and start think hard what i need to do .. and pray hard ..ask for his help and guidance ..
because maybe i am not feel like i'm unique or special .. sometimes i will ask :'' why , me this useless person are in this world , and why i'm blessed ? i can't do it , i can not live in this world'' ..i'm a person that when i have done something wrong and i can't forgive what i have done and really do not know myself and i do not want to know who i am .... because i do not want to know how bad i am .
like now .. walking .. i was lost in the middle of the road ... is really tough in all the trials and circumstances .. but i know .. who are there always with me ..
because '' during your times of trial and suffering , when you see only one set of footprints , that's when I WAS CARRYING YOU''
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